how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
