my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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