there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize