My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
