a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
