its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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