i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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