i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Panties = found
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
