I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
