Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
