Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
