Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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