People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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