from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Alive.
So much puke
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
