I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
