Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
