so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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