There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
