I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
