everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
