yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
