butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
