Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Enjoy the penises
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
