Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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