12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
