Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
