too bad you live with your parents still
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
