I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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