Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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