We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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