I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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