Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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