I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
