Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
