Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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