you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
