Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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