yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
