Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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