you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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