so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
