OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
