Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
