Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize