He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
