He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
