I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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