thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
