Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
