Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
