On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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