Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
