Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
