I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
