Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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