i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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