When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize