so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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