i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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