Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize