Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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