i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
