so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
